The anatomy of failure

Many people use to say that in long run a failed person will get stronger, but in short run there are few things worse than feeling that we have failed. A failure use to feel violated, guilty, depressed, angry, vengeful, lethargic, impotent, destroyed, betrayed, terrified and sometimes relieved and resolute.

Career failure is unlike any other loss; it is sudden, brutal destruction of self esteem. Normally this time of period known and remembered as being badly disordered.
The stage of failure forces a person to accept the loss and prepare for the task of rebuilding.

They are:

1. Shock
2. Fear
3. Anger and blame
4. Shame
5. Despair

Shock
Shock, is the first stage of failure and widely characterized by an initial state of numbness and disbelief, giving way to the awareness of terrible blow. To deal with any terrible blow, the person needs to do nothing and try to absorb it.

When a person lost his or her job, the first reaction will be disbelief, shock and numbness. It does happen so sudden! Very fast! It’s like a worse surgery with no preparation and anesthesia. So, it is a worse mistake if any major decision was taken during this period. During the shock period, the victim needs a sympathetic listener, not someone who will offer advice. So, whenever a shock occurs, it is safer to do nothing except wait and allow the pain to recede.


Fear
Close to the heels of shock comes the fear. Fears are quite specific and appropriate, but they escalate quickly and unmanageable proportions. Fear is a survival mechanism alerting the mind to danger of life. But when a fear metamorphoses into nameless readmits use ceases.

Specific fears (like ‘how to pay bills?’) are useful and unfocused fears are paralyzing. Inner approach such as meditation is helpful for some people who are in a fear after losing the job him or her desire deeply. For others, confronting the fears can bring relief.


Anger and blame
When a person gets angry after getting fired is a healthy response as long as it is a passing stage. It’s a sign of a person value him or herself. Some people never get angry. From fear they fall in to despair.

People who skip anger have a harder time to recover. But, strong anger can lead to destructive action which can harm the people who cause them losing their job. Extreme anger also causes mental illness such as sleeplessness, irritability and frustration.

Blame is a logical response to an unexpected cause, even though at first it seems irrational. Blame is an attempt to highlight causality and keep the world rational.

Anger and revenge show that the victim values herself or himself and protest a grievous loss. Blame helps a person to see the world rationally.


Shame
Shame is an unproductive feeling. It can only exist if a person gives authority to judge him or her. If the person is a public figure and well known, the sense of shame is greater when he or she fails.

A person’s attitude about him/herself will determine the way others see and treat him/her. If ever there was a time for deception, it is during the stage of shame. When you experience this feeling when you lost your job, starts another favorite activity and it is the best antidote to shame.


Despair
Depression occurs when a person lose confidence in him/her own coping mechanisms. Normally, a person never get depress upon losing job. Despair only occurs when there is massive ego loss with no subsequent ego gain, and no apparent way out.

Strangely enough, one of the best ways to hasten the end of this stage of despair is to give into it and allow oneself to mourn.


The stages of failure are predictable and just as survivable. The important thing is to let them happen and pass through it. The real danger is getting stuck in a particular stage, remaining fixed on shock, fear, anger or blame , shame, despair, for instance, that a person do not get on with rebuilding his or her life.

So, do not afraid of each stage of failure. Just accept it with an open heart and broad mind. It will help to move along on a process of rebuilding life and rebuilding new career. All these negative stages have a positive function and out feed. The sooner get through it the sooner one can reinvent him or herself for future success.

This post on Tips & Tricks written by C.N.S.VANI